Face Your Fears

I’ve struggled with fear my whole life but as I’ve grown one of my favorite things to do is give it a big ol’ middle finger as much as possible (literally and figuratively!).

I wasn’t very athletic as a teen. I played softball and was a majorette - both things I had been doing since I was a young girl - but I didn’t like to try new things. Mom did get me skiing but when it was time to get on the real lift I saw someone get carted off on a stretcher and I got a stomach ache that lasted about 8 years. (Stef finally got me skiing again when I met Bill. Still owe her big time for that one!)

Can't see this if you don't go to the top! Telluride '22

Mom also finally got me exercising after years of being a positive influence and Stef got me running - and with that I found the power and confidence that came from regularly challenging my fears and doing things I didn’t think I was capable of.

Having a goal and a reason to train helped my motivation and pushing and challenging myself regularly helped clear my head and better manage my anxiety. From 5Ks to 10Ks to halfs, full marathons, triathlons - I continued to surprise myself. It was never about being fast - I wasn’t - but about repeatedly showing up for myself. The after party was always fun too!

When it was time to quit drinking I had such a fear of life without alcohol. It had become so ingrained in my work hard/play hard mentality that I honestly didn’t know what I’d do without drinking all weekend. 

Yes, I am still talking about not drinking even over 1000 days later because I still can’t believe I don’t drink! I went from someone who celebrated everything with a Miller Lite and used alcohol in a poor attempt to manage my stress and anxiety to someone who loves to read, write, take long baths and spend lots of time in nature. 

But nothing fuels my soul like good friends and good conversation, traveling and adventuring, so when my friend Mandy found an #explorerchick hiking and glamping trip to Utah I knew it was one I couldn’t miss.

Yoga and clear blue skies 

Our trip started in Vegas - a place I’d been many times during my career in the moto industry and although some of the memories are blurry I will always remember cruising the strip in a Rolls-Royce and also one trip where I puked the entire flight back to Pittsburgh. So it was cool to visit a place where all of my previous experiences had involved copious amounts of alcohol and be there looking for a place to do yoga outside instead of drink. 

The five Pittsburgh gals piled in a van with new friends and two guides and drove to Utah for our first hike at Angels Landing in Zion National Park. I was one of the lucky ones who hit the lottery for a permit so my fate was sealed. 

Starting out - West Rim Trail

While I wouldn’t say I am terrified of heights, I’m not a fan. I knew Angels Landing had chains but that was about the extent of it. I’d rather not obsess/overthink something I am nervous about so I really didn’t read anything about the hike beforehand and asked my friends to keep quiet about it. That was one of the best decisions I made as it ended up being one of the scariest (but most exhilarating!) things I’ve ever done. 

The sign at the trailhead said 13 people have died on Angels Landing, and the 13 was written in dry erase marker 😳 

It’s a steady uphill climb on a wide paved trail with little shade but incredible views of the mountains ⛰ above and canyon below. I was singing the praises of my trainer Matt and my 6:30 am workout crew as we continued to wind and climb. 

When we got to Scout’s Lookout and the chains at Angels Landing were right in front of me, I definitely questioned this decision. But in my typical fuck it fashion I got in right behind our guide and up we went. 

The view of the beginning of Angel's
landing from Scout's lookout. 

The trail is steep, rocky terrain with carved steps and there were times I was holding onto the chains with BOTH hands. It’s a mix of hiking, scrambling and climbing.

I was very thankful for the permit system, as I can’t image navigating this trail with a bunch of jagoffs on it. You have to step aside and wait as others pass and there really isn’t a ton of room up there as the most narrow parts of the trail are just several feet wide with 1,000 foot drops on either side. 

Both hands on the chains

I did a lot of breathing in my nose and out of my mouth so I didn’t totally freak out and tried not to look down. When I was calm enough to look around I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this hike!

The most terrifying but exhilarating part is a skinny rock formation “bridge” that goes to the actual landing with massive drops on both sides. Even looking at photos of it now makes me a little queasy. (And there was NFW I was stopping or getting my phone out then so you won’t see one here!) 

We still had this to climb!

We made it to the top and I could not wipe the smile off my face. Undeniably one of the coolest experiences I’ve had. Coming down was somewhat terrifying as well - at least when you’re going up you have the choice of what to look at. Going down you can only see how high up you are! 

Other highlights of the weekend included glamping at a resort with very little light pollution and a gazillion stars, a breathtaking 9-mile hike at Bryce Canyon with never-ending hoodoos and a stunning blue sky, and rappelling and canyoneering in Zion. But the best part of all was spending a long weekend belly laughing with a bunch of awesome women. 

Before the trip Mandy said that we sounded like badasses when we told people we were going to Utah hiking and rappelling and we all laughed. Now I’m pretty sure we are.